My room smells like vodka and shame
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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