If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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