She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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