Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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