Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
