It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
