Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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