I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
