My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
