We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
