I hate your face
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
