remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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