Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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