You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
