my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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