1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
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You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
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I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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