she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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