I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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