I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
