im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
