I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
