i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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