remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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