I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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