And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
