i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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