Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
