I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
