I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
