I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
