Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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