These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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