I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
