this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
