...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
