A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
