in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
