so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
