whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
