ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
