mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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