i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
