Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
