im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
