that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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