A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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