Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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