i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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