remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
