I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
