you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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