all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
