I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
