this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Randomize
