walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
