I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's Friday. Sex?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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