I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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