I looked at my own cervix.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
