Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
