I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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