He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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