Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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